Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize