When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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