I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
