I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
