did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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