I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
