i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize