is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Randomize
