from now on my penis is your penis
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
My feet surprised me
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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