Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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