Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Randomize
