Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
