i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
