She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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