So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
there was a trapeze. enough said
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
