i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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