there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Randomize
