my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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