We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
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