Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
