I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Holy sore nipples Batman
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I'm gonna fight the coyote
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
