I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
