A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
