Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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