At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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