does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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