What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
