the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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