So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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