Four minutes until I can fart!
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
