so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Randomize
