hell yes lets make some ravioli
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Randomize
