Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
