you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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