in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
