She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
