You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
i wish my penis had a tongue
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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