When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Randomize
