All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
