It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I think I just shit out all my problems.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
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