If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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