see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
