did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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