can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
