Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
