So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
