So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Randomize
