My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Randomize
