Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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