I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
