The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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