If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
