hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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