I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
