i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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