my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Let's paint friendship bongs
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I think people are normalizing furries
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize