Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
