Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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