i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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