she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
