This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
