He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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