Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
