don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
