Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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