Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
