Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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