I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
