on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
