Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
i think i have two assholes
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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