hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Farmville is her only friend.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
