bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
