I smell stomach acid.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Randomize
