is your mom at the bar?
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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