this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
