WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
