How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
