Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
