The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
