I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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