I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
someone get that fucking seahorse.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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